Seriously, what the f*ck?

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What exactly has gone so haywire in recent history to cause mass confusion and disappointment in the world of dating and relationships?

As a millennial who professionally writes, speaks, and coaches on the topic, I was also navigating the space as a single man myself for many years.

Here are a few things I observed along the way before I met Rachel:

Meeting women is becoming exponentially harder…but also easier (?)

I’m 35. Even as recently as 10 years ago I’d say that meeting women was far easier in person. …

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We seem to have lost sight of what it takes to build real, solid, healthy relationships. The past could provide some insight.

Not everything from generations past should make its way to the present (and thankfully, many things haven’t), but there are some aspects of relationship building that seem to be lacking in today’s dating culture:

1: Old-school dating put in the work.

Let’s face it — the concept of dating has been beaten into submission by ‘Netflix n’ Chill’ and ‘Hey, wanna hang out?’ texts. The idea of actually putting in time and effort to court a woman has completely gone by the wayside.

How many men put in the effort to make sure they walk on the street-side of the sidewalk? When was the last time a man pulled out your chair, or held your coat on a date? …

Love is NOT all you need.

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No relationship is ever perfect, but we can strive to find the person who makes us realize why it never worked out with anyone else.

Here are 10 foundational building blocks that every healthy relationship shares:

1. Both partners feel fully accepted as they are.

What does it mean to feel fully “seen” by another person? Not physically seen — but on a deeper and more meaningful level?

Feeling like your partner understands who you truly are on a higher level than any other person — and loves you for it — is what allows you to open up to them and share every facet of your being.

Without this level of comfort, there will always be something that is held back or hidden, preventing a truly unfiltered bond from forming. …

Studies have shown that 𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 25% 𝙤𝙛 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 actually stay committed to their resolutions after just 30 days, and 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝟴% accomplish them. 𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀?

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As 2020 comes to a close, we begin seeing the customary “new year, new me” posts pop up around social media.

We’ve become accustomed by now to the idea of New Year’s resolutions, and the renewed hope that this is going to be “our year.”


We’ve all seen the packed gyms (pre-Covid life) for the first few weeks of January before the new faces fade again and go back to the same ol’ patterns.

We’ve pledged to start saving money, to hold higher standards in our relationships, to finally lose that last 10 pounds. …

Let’s pull back the curtain on what men are actually looking for in a romantic partner.

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If this is your first introduction to my writing, you should know that I’ve written hundreds of articles about the qualities men should possess in order to be the best individual and partner that we can. Many of the women that I coach individually, though, often look for the male perspective on what men really want in a partner and a relationship. So, consider this a glimpse inside the male mind.

What if the things men desire only seem complicated because they rarely get communicated and therefore remain mysterious?

Most guys are simpler creatures than they let on. Here are a few of the things they look for in someone they’re genuinely excited about committing…

You’re committing to a lot more than being a standard “boyfriend.”

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James, Rachel, Liliana (1), Rosabella (5)

Taking on the responsibility of dating a woman who has children is not for the faint of heart. Below, we’ll discuss some questions every man should ask himself before making this very real commitment.

1. Am I secure enough to take a back seat sometimes?

Every article you’ll ever read about dating a mom will tell you that her kids will always come first. Anyone who has any experience with children knows that they, themselves, are a full time job. Depending on the age(s) of your new love interest’s children, the “full-timeness” will obviously change.

The fact will always remain, though, that her kids will always be her biological, emotional, and moral priority. …

Why are so many people who pursue success feeling unfulfilled or restless in their personal lives?

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We live in a society that prioritizes monetary success. We all strive for a respectable income that affords us the abilities to drive what we want, live where we want and travel where we want. And now a phrase that wouldn’t have made sense 20 years ago: We want our lives to look great on Instagram.

So why are so many people who pursue success feeling unfulfilled or restless in their personal lives?

We are raised and taught how to make a living. We learn lessons about business, interviewing skills, how to do market research, how to put together an advertising plan…but we seldom are asked why we want to do these things. …

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Each new phase of life requires a further evolved version of ourselves. So, how do we go about creating him?

I often find myself contemplating how I can improve in all areas of life. How can I be a better boyfriend? A better son? A better brother? How can I be a better role model to my girlfriend’s daughters? How can I be a better friend? And most of all — how can I create an even deeper sense of pride in the man I have worked to become?

My belief has always been that, while we don’t often voice them publicly, many other men struggle with the same questions.

As our lives evolve over time, we are presented with new challenges and opportunities to grow and develop. How we face each new circumstance shows us what we’re made of. …

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You can’t pour water from an empty cup.

Many of us are taught that caring for others is a noble trait, and often times we garner a sense of significance or contribution from it. While it is important to be a positive influence in the lives of others, many of us fail to draw a line to define when it starts actually harming us.

Below are a few signs that you’ve been prioritizing others for so long that it’s time to remember you matter, too.

1. You’ve lost sight of what your identity is.

Priorities in life add up quickly. Kids, career, relationships, all of the things that make us who we are. …

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We don’t attract what we desire, we attract what we project.

Dating is difficult. There are a lot of people out there who don’t (or can’t) properly communicate, who aren’t looking for real commitment, or who aren’t even sure what a healthy relationship looks like at this point.

Dating apps are frustrating, messages don’t get answered, or someone completely falls off the map after a few days of chatting.

We are in the middle of a global pandemic so going out and meeting random people at events or bars isn’t exactly appealing, nor safe.

So, what then, is the solution?

In order to create different results in our lives we must begin by taking different action. Making different decisions. …


James Michael Sama

International speaker, writer, & adviser helping you build happier relationships. Seen: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. 38 million+ views.

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