10 Basic Needs Men Have In Relationships

Wait…do guys have feelings too?!

James Michael Sama
10 min readNov 4, 2022


My focus as a writer, speaker, and coach has always been to help men better understand the women in their lives (despite many of my clients being women themselves) and to evolve into better boyfriends, husbands, colleagues, and human beings.

As a result, the literally thousands of articles I’ve written over the years have primarily been focused on what women want and need in life and love.

Inevitably this leads to questions like “But James, what about what men want?!”

Inevitably once more, when I do write an article about that — which you’re about to read — I’ll get comments like “Oh, so we should only focus on men?!”

The truth is that we shouldn’t only focus on either group, and instead all strive to learn how we can be better in our relationships.

Here, then, is one of those rare articles about what the dudes need — because contrary to popular belief, they have feelings, too.

1: Men need to feel needed.

I figured, hey, why not just go for the jugular right on the first point?

“James, women don’t need men!”

That’s right — men are well aware that women don’t need them, and many are facing existential crises because of it.

I think it’s men’s fault more than anything, to be honest. We’ve held on so long to the belief that we need to take on certain roles and responsibilities in relationships that it’s stunted our ability to grow and evolve with the times.

Nevertheless, though, the point here stands — men still need to feel like they have a purpose. A way to contribute to your life and the relationship. A task, a mission.

This is only becoming exacerbated by the lack of need itself, because men aren’t getting that “fix” of “being the man” in the relationship.

As a result, they’re questioning the value they bring to the table. They’re questioning themselves. They’re always left wondering where their place is, and it takes a toll on a lot of guys.

“So, what are we supposed to do…pretend like we need them sometimes just to make them



James Michael Sama

Helping high achievers build deeper fulfillment & love. Multi #1 writer. Coach & Speaker. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hello! @JamesMSama