11 Dating Mistakes Keeping Men Single, Lonely, and Confused

Recognize them so you can fix them.

James Michael Sama
8 min readSep 22


Men everywhere face years-long bouts of frustration because they always seem to be pushing women away, but can’t understand why.

I know this, because I used to be one of them.

There were a slew of basic and simple mistakes I kept making over and over again but didn’t realize it.

Simply put — I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

If you’ve fallen into similar patterns, see if any of the points below apply to your dating “techniques”…

1: You have never really learned about women.

Think about any other area of life where you want to be successful. Your career, your health and fitness, your hobbies or passions…in order to be successful, you set out to gain the knowledge and skills required.

You dedicate your energy to learning.

Yet, when it comes to dating, we accept this narrative that “the right person will come along” or that it’s best to “just be yourself.”

This is lazy, passive advice from those who don’t know what else to say.

The truth is that the more you understand the wants, needs, and desires of the woman you are dating, the better boyfriend you’ll be empowered to become.

You’ll enjoy a happier relationship with stronger communication, less drama, fewer arguments, and more love, intimacy, respect, and excitement.

You don’t need to be a mind reader, you just need to put in a little effort.

2: You spend too much time trying to sell yourself.

This is to say, you spend far too much time talking about yourself and not enough time learning about her. Dating is not supposed to be a sales pitch where you try to convince the person on the other end of the table that you’re their best option. It’s about mutual learning and figuring out whether or not you are both a match for each other.

You have two ears and one mouth for a reason: Listen twice as much as you speak.

3: You don’t make her a priority.



James Michael Sama

Helping high achievers build deeper fulfillment & love. Multi #1 writer. Coach & Speaker. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hello! @JamesMSama