12 Common Traits Of People With Strong Emotional Boundaries

You can’t control how people act, but you can control what you accept.

James Michael Sama
12 min readDec 31, 2022


Emotional boundaries are a sign of self love. They are a set of guidelines that you decide for yourself which dictate the treatment you will (and won’t) accept from other people. What’s more — they also dictate the treatment you will (and won’t) accept from yourself.

It’s of the utmost importance that you remove toxic and negative treatment and influences from your life, but when most people hear this, they assume that it means removing negative people. In most cases, this is true — but it’s also important to remember that we, in many ways, can be our own worst enemies.

Laziness, sub-par nutrition, sedentary lifestyles, negative self-talk…it all takes a toll on us mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Setting strong emotional boundaries begins to raise the standard you hold for yourself and from others.

What, though, do the people capable of doing so all have in common?

Let’s explore:

1: They manage their own self-talk.

The way we talk to ourselves is, for most, a passive and impulsive narrative that pops into our head and bounces around for as long as we let it.

More often than not, it’s unflattering and critical.

“Play it safe, you don’t have the talent for that.”

“That person will never go out with you.”

“You better edit the hell out of that photo before you post it.”

“You can’t wear that outfit, people will stare at you.”

These arcs in our story begin to create the sense of identity that we all carry with us. They quite literally dictate how we see ourselves in the world, and therefore what we are capable of — or what we “deserve.”

People with strong emotional boundaries, though, refuse to believe the negative thoughts that come into their mind at random. Instead, they take a good, hard look at the feeling they’re having, and ask themselves:



James Michael Sama

Helping high achievers build deeper fulfillment & love. Multi #1 writer. Coach & Speaker. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hello! @JamesMSama