Avoid negative relationships by knowing what to look for along the way.
One of the most important yet challenging aspects of starting a new relationship is keeping a clear mind as we become increasingly excited about the prospect of a future together.
Many a negative relationship has lasted for too long because warning signs or red flags were ignored early on.
To keep things positive, though, let’s focus on what a good man will do in life and love, rather than what he won’t.
A good man never sews doubt about his feelings for you.
I cannot tell you how many conversations I have had with women who tell me that there is no affection in their relationship. The man in their life does not make them feel loved, wanted, or appreciated. This is a profoundly important piece of the puzzle — a good man will always remind you how much you mean to him.
I understand men can be less communicative or affectionate than women are, but this does not excuse the severe lack of effort put forth by many in our generation. If someone truly loves you, you will know it and feel it. If they don’t, you’ll be wondering all the time if they do.
A good man always supports you.
Happy couples lift each other up and understand we maintain individual passions and desires in life outside of our relationship. This should never be met with discouragement or jealousy, but full support of your ventures.
A good man will inspire you, as you do for him.
To inspire someone takes effort both in how one lives their own life as well as encourages others to live theirs. His drive and ambition will rub off on you as he pursues his own passions.
A good man will work to gain your trust.
A good man will want you to be comfortable and confident in your relationship. Without trust there is no foundation for love or respect.
He will understand that trust is not just handed over to someone — it has to be earned, and then it has to be maintained over time.
A good man will keep the romance alive.
In longer term relationships, romance or intimacy can give way to obligations or busy schedules. Putting consistent effort into keeping romance alive shows that he still holds your relationship as a priority.
A good man will make you feel safe.
I have always said that I believe one of the best compliments a woman can give a man is telling him that she feels safe* around him.
*This goes for emotional safety as well as physical. To know she is cared for, respected, trusted, and loved.
A good man does the little things.
Paying close attention to the little things will build a foundation of trust that lets you know he will can be counted on for the big things.
A good man never crosses the line.
It is natural to have disagreements and even arguments in a relationship — but there is no reason to become insulting, and never, ever to become abusive.
A good man is always trying to improve himself.
Whether it be learning new things, developing a new skill set, reading a new book or watching a documentary — a good man who prides himself on continuous self improvement will be doing these things for himself, but the added benefit will be the positive impact it has on your relationship.
A good man understands actions speak louder than words.
People who make promises don’t deserve respect — People who keep promises deserve your respect, and he will be one of them.
A good man communicates openly with you.
It can be difficult for some men to express their emotions, fears, and even inner-most desires — but having the right woman in our life often helps to open those doors. Communication is a pivotal piece of healthy relationships.
A good man will always be honest with you.
He may not be perfect, but he will be the man he said he was when you first met.
A good man will make YOU feel comfortable being honest in return.
Comfort in a relationship (the good kind, not the kind that breeds apathy) comes from the ability to be open without fear of being judged. A good man will encourage you to open up and share your feelings with him.
This means being able to be the most genuine, uncensored version of yourself around him.
A good man will NEVER be abusive.
Perhaps the most important point of all. Whether it be mentally, emotionally, or physically, a good man will never even think about being abusive towards you or harmful in any way. If this happens to you — please have the courage and respect for yourself in order to talk to someone or walk away immediately. No good person would ever act like this and it will not get better on its own.
A good man will prove his commitment consistently.
When a man commits his love and his time to a woman, there are no stipulations or circumstances required. There will be good times and there will be challenging times. There will be unexpected situations that arise. But he will stay by your side and be your teammate through it all.
Of course this does not mean you can intentionally disrespect him, lie, or cheat. It does not mean you can betray his trust and expect him to stick around just because he promised to commit to you. This point is about things the two of you go through together and him having the integrity needed to not walk away when times get hard.
Any man can be by your side on the sunny days. The real test of character is whether or not he will hold the umbrella over you during the stormy days.
And ladies, if the man you are with puts in the effort to be this person for you, please let him know how much you appreciate him. No matter how kind a person is, there is no emptier feeling than giving your heart to someone who you feel takes it for granted.
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