15 Valuable Lessons Taught By Mature Love

Mature love is one of life’s greatest teachers.

James Michael Sama
7 min readFeb 23, 2024

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There’s a quote by Erich Fromm that has always stuck with me:

“Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’

Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.”

In other words — real, mature love is not felt out of desperation or dependency, but rather we feel the pull towards another person in our life because we love them in the first place.

What are other lessons taught by mature love that we (often) only learn over time?

1: Time with loved ones is your most valuable gift.

Time is our most valuable asset of all. It is a limited commodity for each of us.

In our earlier years, we place more value on the “stuff” of life. Don’t get me wrong — a beautiful life in beautiful places with beautiful things certainly helps to enhance the overall quality of the human experience — but, it is not a replacement for real, quality time with the people we love.

If you don’t believe me, just ask someone who is wealthy, but lonely.

Then, ask someone who lives modestly, but is surrounded by people they love all the time.

Guess which of them is more fulfilled?

Maturity will teach us to appreciate it when someone spends their time with us more than when they spend their money on us. Money can be gotten back, time cannot.

2: You learn it’s FALSE that “Being with someone is better than being with nobody at all.”

Some of us feel societal or internal pressure to just be in a relationship. We are asked “When are you going to settle down?” from family and friends, we watch our friends get married, we start to feel like being single means we are unlovable…

So, we start gradually lowering our standards and softening our boundaries, because we just need to be with someone.

The reality, though, is that the damage to our self worth and self image has begun diminishing the expectations we have for ourselves, which is why we start…

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James Michael Sama

I help you evolve into the ultimate version of yourself. Life & Executive Coach. Multi #1 writer. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hi! @JamesMSama