20 Truths That Women Wish Men Understood

Lessons for happier, healthier relationships.

James Michael Sama
16 min readJan 8


Imagine, for a moment, the world we would live in if men and women had a deeper understanding of each other’s thoughts, feelings, tendencies, and perspectives. While, of course, the world’s 8 billion people each hold an individual set of traits and personalities, that doesn’t mean we can’t find some common truths that apply on a larger scale.

I believe that all relationships, be it intimate, friendships, professional, or otherwise — can benefit from a deeper understanding of those we are relating to.

Silly? Obvious? Goes without saying?

One would think, until one considers just how much time and effort we put into actually learning about each other.

More often than not, the answer is “close to zero.” So, the misunderstandings perpetuate themselves.

Below, you’ll find 20 truths that I, a heterosexual married man, has learned and accumulated over the years through a vast array of experiences, and have heard directly from readers and private coaching clients.

Gentlemen — I believe that if you’re willing to open your mind to these lessons, it’ll help you better navigate the world around you with a deeper understanding and knowledge of the people you’re engaging with on a regular basis.

1: The need to feel safe comes before all.

So, you’ve met a new woman and you’re interested in building a relationship with her.

What are your instincts telling you to do first?

Perhaps it’s flex your watch, or your car, or name drop your famous friends.

Maybe you’re talking about how much your business made last year.

Maybe you’ve chosen the fanciest restaurant, or donned your most expensive suit, or planned an elaborate date you hope will swoon her.

While some women may be impressed by the “shiny things,” a woman who’s seeking a deep and meaningful connection with you is going to be blinded by the flashes and unable to see who you really are — or, what’s worse — she’ll already assume who you are, even if it’s not the truth.



James Michael Sama

Helping high achievers build deeper fulfillment & love. Multi #1 writer. Coach & Speaker. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hello! @JamesMSama