5 Reasons Your Online Dating Profile is Attracting The Wrong Men
There isn’t a predictable formula for online dating (or dating of ANY kind), but there are common mistakes that may be holding you back from attracting the right type(s) of men.
Just a few short years ago it was almost a strange stigma to have met someone online. We didn’t want to admit we used any of the wide variety of dating sites or apps, but now it seems that virtually everyone is on them.
There is still some resistance by many who refuse, and many who DO use them face challenges with weeding out potential suitors who just turn out to be a pen pal, or ghosting them altogether.
Here are five mistakes you’re probably making with your online dating profile:
1: You’re relying too heavily on your photos.
We get it, you’re beautiful. But, a man who is looking for a genuine connection with someone understands that it takes a lot more than beauty to keep a relationship together.
When I was single, I would see a wide variety of profiles that had very little or no information at all. Just photos.
Some women will say: “But men only look at the pictures anyway.”
Therein lies the problem: The wrong men who are only looking for a fling or a hookup will only be looking at your photos. The man who is actually serious about a relationship will invest the time into reading what you’re all about so he knows whether or not he should reach out.
Your photos serve the purpose of showing what you look like, but your bio is where you tell us who you are. Leaving that blank easily allows for Mr. Right to swipe left.
2: Your bio is too negative.
DON’T WASTE MY TIME.
NO TIME FOR DRAMA.
I used to see harsh and judgmental phrases all the time in dating profiles, and in some ways I understand the need to put up the STOP sign to keep out the riffraff.
The problem is, it has the opposite effect.
Men who are socially unaware, sociopaths, or just straight up manipulative assholes don’t care what you put in your bio. They will be as charming as the day is long and still play their games regardless.
The caring, genuine man who is looking for a woman he can see a future with, though, will instantly be turned off by language that immediately sounds negative and dramatic.
He’s looking for a teammate, and sounding angry or judgmental does not send the message that you’re doing the same (even if you are).
3: You’re not telling him WHO you really are.
You like yoga, and dogs, and ice cream, and Netflix. That’s great!
So does everyone else.
Use the space in your bio to give someone an idea for your passions, beliefs, values, your purpose.
Everyone wants to travel, everyone likes nice dinners, everyone has a hiking photo.
What sets you apart? What makes YOU the woman he should want to meet? What is the competitive advantage you have over all of the other women he’s scrolling by today?
Now ask yourself: “Is my bio telling that story?”
If not, change it (And make sure to use proper spelling and grammar).
4: Too many group photos.
Aside from the obvious photos to avoid like blurry ones, group photos or photos with other men can also be a point of confusion on dating apps.
Which one are you in the group? Does he need to scroll through a few pictures just to find out?
Who is that half-cropped guy? Your brother? An ex-boyfriend? Your gay best friend?
Your dating profile is supposed to highlight you, you are the star of this show.
And the fact is, people are busy. If your Mr. Right is spending a few minutes of his day scrolling around and can’t tell right off the bat whose profile he’s looking at, he may pass right by the woman of his dreams without even realizing it.
5: You’re not painting the picture of a life together.
Here’s the thing: The truth is that as a woman, you’re going to attract ALL TYPES of men while online dating. This is the blessing and a curse of being a woman online.
Forget the masses that are blindly scrolling through the buffet of photos — think of the man that YOU are looking for.
THAT man is scrolling with intention.
He’s taking a minute to pause and read bios.
He’s picturing what it would be like to take you on a date, or to have a Zoom chat, or what your voice sounds like.
He’s actually serious about finding a relationship.
THAT is the ONE person you should be creating your profile for.
Tell a story with your photos, paint a picture of your life. Where do you like spending your time? What are your hobbies? What causes do you support and believe in?
Use the space in your bio not just for talking about yourself, but for showing what you’re looking for in a partner. In a relationship.
And be deliberate about what you want.
Are you looking for love? Then say it.
The dating site PlentyofFish examined 1.2 million profiles and discovered that people who used the word “love” in their descriptions were the most successful at engaging in committed relationships. Men in particular benefited from using similar words like “heart,” “romantic,” and “relationship.”
“But James, I spend all of my time online dating and still can’t find anyone.”
Dating apps should be one of the tools in your dating toolkit, but relying on them fully prevents you from exploring new avenues where the right person could’ve been standing in plain sight the whole time.
The magic of love is that it can happen anywhere, at anytime. Dating apps are great because at least you know the people on them are (usually…) single, so it helps to remove that barrier. But, there are plenty of negatives to these sites and apps as well.
Finding the right partner takes intentional work just like accomplishing any other goal in life. Making sure you’re projecting what you want to attract, being proactive about starting conversations, putting yourself in the places where meeting people who have similar interests is most likely.
With the pandemic continuing, meeting people out at social events is more difficult, so online dating is being turned to more often.
That means now is the time to make sure you’re utilizing it properly. Like any other tool, it can be used constructively, or destructively.
What have some of your experiences been with online dating? Comment below and let me know your thoughts.
James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.
Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 38 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.
James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.