6 Ways To Keep Improving Your Dating Life While On Lockdown
Just because the world slows down, doesn’t mean your chances of finding love have to.
Well, this is a new one. How are you supposed to date when everything is closed and you’re supposed to stay 6 feet away from everyone?
I understand your pets are happy that you’re quarantined or locked down, but it doesn’t really do wonders for meeting the man or woman of your dreams.
The good news is, there is still plenty you can do to keep, or get, the ball rolling:
1. Use this time to really define what you want (and need).
The last thing you (or your partner) wants is to get into a relationship that isn’t right. Most of us don’t really sit down and take the time to understand the true driving forces behind the attributes and qualities we want in someone.
I’m talking about uncensored self reflection. Truth not influenced by anyone around you. Your solitary thoughts about what you know is truly important to you, and what isn’t.
Write a list — and equate the things you want with the things you need. Dig deeper into the “why” you want each individual thing, and use that as your guiding light.
The navigation system in your car is useless if you don’t have a destination to enter. The same goes for your dating life.
2. Have deeper conversations.
Think about this for a second: The current dating landscape has turned into the wild wild west.
We are losing the ability to communicate on a deeper level because all anyone is trying to do is take you home for the night.
For now…that’s not really an option. The hookup culture is actually put on hold.
We can use this opportunity to connect with other people and have real conversations. Learn about them. Build a bond. Really slow down and figure out whether or not this is someone we want to spend time with.
The magic of this is that it makes a first date or meeting infinitely more comfortable and secure. You feel like you already know the person, and you’ll be off to a stronger start. Or, you’ll know if you’re not interested before you spend time or money together.
3. Spend more time on dating apps (duh).
You knew this one was coming. I understand some people are uncomfortable with online dating, but just think about everyone being in the same boat socially right now.
I’d guess there will be a surge of new profiles and activity happening on every app and site as everyone is sitting around on the couch.
Let’s be honest about this — when you’re on a dating app or website, you essentially become a product. You are a smart, desirable, driven, ambitious human being who has a genuine heart and wants to care for someone — yet, why can’t you seem to attract someone who’s the same?
Like any product, marketing is key. Expressing yourself in a way that truly showcases your best qualities and most of all — the qualities you want to attract in a partner.
Too many people talk about what they don’t want in their profile. By the time you’re done reading, it sounds like you’re about to date a drill sergeant who’s just going to be breathing down your neck constantly, and nobody wants that.
This is your chance to make a striking first impression using creative, fun photos (that really look like you), and a witty bio that grabs attention as the man or woman of your dreams is mindlessly swiping through what seems to be an endless sea of hiking photos.
Plus — it’s a great chance to practice flirting and get into your groove. Take the lessons learned into all dating situations moving forward.
4. Ask your friends what you’re doing wrong.
That’s right. I said it. And, this is a tough one — understandably.
Many times we don’t get real, helpful advice from our friends. “Just be yourself, the right person will come along when you least expect it.”
Nonsense! Utter nonsense! Life isn’t a Michael Buble music video where you meet the man or woman of your dreams while dancing on shelves in a grocery store. If something isn’t working for you, then you need to put the emotion aside for a moment and get real, honest, direct advice about what can be improved upon.
The people who know you best are the most likely to sugar-coat their advice, but they’re also the most likely to secretly know what’s probably pushing men or women away. Send them an email asking them to be blunt and honest. Yes, I said email, because it’s easier to express these criticisms if you’re not staring each other in the eyeballs.
Just like you’re doing right now. There is an endless amount of information online about attraction, dating advice, relationships, communication, and the like. There are books you can order, podcasts you can listen to, articles you can read…even coaches you can hire *ahem.*
Using this time to develop a deeper understanding of both yourself and the psychology behind human relationships in general will make you feel even more confident and better equipped to get back out into the dating world as soon as this all blows over.
6. Fall in love with YOURSELF.
I have said for years that the most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself. There are A LOT of people right now who are spending time alone with someone they’re not sure if they like or not.
This is the perfect opportunity to build confidence through developing new skills, practice healthier eating and home workouts to enhance your level of fitness. Even indulge in a little online shopping and get some new going out clothes if you’ve got the means.
Think of yourself as one of those little pull-back cars we had as kids. You’d pull it back to wind up the wheels and watch it shoot forward. That is the position you’re in right now, pulled back and primed. How much action you take to build confidence in yourself and in dating will dictate how far back the car is pulled, and how fast you shoot off into the distance when all of this is behind us.
Stay hopeful during trying times, if you put in the work now, you’ll look back on this as a phase of growth rather than a burden.