This is a very difficult topic to discuss — because you’ve got to be sensitive to people’s feelings, but at the same time, give them a dose of reality.
It’s both disappointing and unfortunate to see how many toxic relationships are happening on a daily basis.
It’s important to note that you don’t need physical violence in order to have an abusive relationship. And don’t forget, both men and women can be guilty of this.
If you are made to feel any of the following ways or recognize any of the following signs, then you truly need to take a step back, put your emotions aside, and ask yourself what your partner is truly bringing to (or taking from) your life.
– You always feel guilty, but don’t know why.
Is your partner always making you feel as though you did something wrong, but you genuinely can’t understand why? There are people who literally seek out and find issues, and when they can’t find one — they create them. This is not the type of person who will change out of the blue and you need to get away from them.
Abusers always find a way to avoid responsibility and place it on someone else. When you are their partner in a relationship, you’ll always be that ‘someone else.’
– They’re obsessively jealous.
It’s okay to be ‘kinda sorta’ jealous. Jealous in a way that says “I care about you” — but jealous in the way that keeps you away from the people or things you care about due to unreasonable suspicion, is a red flag of someone who is illogically jealous and will slowly whittle your social life down to nothing in order to control you. Run.
– You’re paranoid about leaving your phone around.
If you are genuinely doing nothing wrong but are still worried about your partner snooping through your phone and asking you about what they find — you are not in the wrong, they have crossed the line and invaded your privacy.
– You’re always the one going back.
The frequent pattern of breaking up and getting back together is, by itself, a huge red flag of an unhealthy relationship. However, when you find yourself to always be the one running back to the person to apologize, even when you weren’t at fault — you absolutely need to take a breather and reflect on the reality of what’s happening.
Many times we miss the idea of someone rather than the person themselves. If you find yourself going back to someone who you know isn’t good for you, that is a necessary distinction to make.
– You’re never good enough.
Are you discouraged from following your goals or dreams? Even if it’s indirect, do you feel like you’ve actually lost self-confidence because of your relationship? A healthy couple will support and encourage each other. Build each other up. Cheer each other on as they follow their dreams. Not the other way around.
– You no longer do what you love.
Do you have passions and hobbies that your partner doesn’t approve of because of who’s around you or where you go? If what you’re doing is inherently innocent, they should have no issue with it. Every relationship requires compromise, but if you give up doing everything and essentially become a willing prisoner in an effort to avoid a fight, this is not normal.
A healthy relationship is made up of two people who support and encourage each other to learn, grow, and expand. A toxic relationship will make you feel restricted and restrained, because your partner will always be worried about you seeing the light and leaving them.
Spoiler alert: You should.
– You never know when they’re going to explode.
Are you always walking on eggshells because you don’t know when your partner’s next insecurity will arise in the form of an accusation? Part of a healthy relationship is the ability to be honest and make mistakes without fear of being judged. Someone who is always flying off the handle and overreacting about small things (shopping not being done, dinner not being ready, being late to a family gathering), is exhibiting signs of toxic behavior that could escalate in the future.
There are obviously thousands of more signs that can be seen as red flags to a negative relationship — but I find that some of these above are ones that typically pass off as “normal” and people don’t realize that they are being mentally or emotionally abused.
Please, please, please — have the respect for yourself to walk away from a situation like this. It may be hard and you may be afraid to confront your partner about your feelings (another red flag) but you will thank yourself in the long run.
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This piece was originally published on JamesMSama.com.