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James Michael Sama
@JamesMSama and @Rachel.Xtina, taken by @Focusure

You don’t “fall” in love. You build it alongside of the person you choose to spend your life with.

It seems that the further we look, the harder it is to find couples who are in strong, happy, healthy relationships. But — it is important not to get discouraged, because they are out there, in all generations.

We often credit our parents’ or grandparents’ generations with having longer lasting, more solid relationships. While this may be the case, relationships like these do not just happen randomly. They require consistent effort from both partners.

Here are some valuable lessons we can take from couples with the strongest relationships.

1: They understand the value of compromise.

When two adults meet each other, they’re approaching the relationship from two…


Have you ever felt like everything was going great, but then, *POOF*? Here’s what might’ve happened.

If you’ve ever dated over the past few years, you know how things go sometimes:

Meet on a dating app or through a friend, start talking and feverishly exchanging texts. Video chat a couple of times. Start getting really excited. Maybe even go out for dinner or a drink.

Trade a few more texts after that. Look forward to the next time you’re getting together.

And then…👻

He vanishes without a trace.

This is frustrating and can be heartbreaking — not to mention rude and inconsiderate.

While there is no excuse for an adult ghosting another adult, there may be…


@JamesMSama and @Rachel.Xtina, taken by @Focusure

Romance shouldn’t fade after the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship. It should strengthen as your partner becomes an even more important part of your life.

Whoopsie.

Different types of advice applies to different people in different stages of life, but what about when you need some real, down-to-earth, practical tips on keeping the flame burning in your relationship or marriage over the long haul?

If that’s what you’re looking for, let’s begin.

1: Revisit your love languages together.

If you’re not familiar with Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages, here is the rundown:

  • Physical touch
  • Words of affirmation
  • Acts of service
  • Gift giving
  • Quality time

We all give and receive love in our own unique ways that can often be fit into these categories. It’s always a good idea to talk about…


Take back your power by moving forward when there’s nothing holding you back.

We’ve ALL experienced a situation where we were on the giving end of feelings that weren’t being reciprocated.

These experiences vary. For some, it was the beginning levels of interest that were never returned.

For others, it came after years and years together, when someone else fell out of love.

Accepting that someone isn’t into you is difficult, but giving yourself permission to let go and move forward is even harder, because there’s a finality to it. You’re saying to yourself: This isn’t going to happen.

That’s also why there’s power in the ability to take the first step. You’re…


“Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.” — Albert Einstein

What does it mean to be a man of “value,” as Einstein once put it? The answers to this question have evolved over the generations as the role(s) of men in society have changed and altered due to shifting expectations, views of masculinity, and gender roles in heterosexual relationships.

I believe that boys and men are lacking positive influence from role models in today’s “mainstream.” They’re not quite sure where they fit, what’s expected of them, or how to conduct themselves in many social situations.

As women out-pace men in educational and professional fields, men are facing an identity crisis…


What does it mean to be a “genuine” man in today’s society, and how can you tell if you’re dating one?

Genuine. A word seemingly reserved in today’s society for objects or artifacts. This is a ‘genuine’ piece. A ‘genuine’ collection. A ‘genuine’ whatever-the-hell.

Less often, though, do we hear about genuine people we meet, come across, and date.

The following are 15 real signs to look for when you are dating someone. Does he fit the bill, or is he just playing you?

1: He will invite you on a proper date.

None of this “Hey, I’m out with some friends, wanna meet up?” before he gets to know you nonsense. …


Relationships with women are like a dance, and until you learn the proper steps, you’re going to scuff up some shoes.

“You don’t know what you don’t know.”

This saying has always stuck with me when I think about all of the things I’ve never experienced, seen, or learn. I cannot even begin to fathom what they might be. It’s sort of like looking into the universe and visualizing what an alien might look like. Oh, they exist.

Much of the same is true when it comes to everyday life, as well. New skills at work, countless books we’ve never read, the history of so many things we’ve never seen — all unknown to us, until we learn them.

One may…


All of us face heartbreak in our lives, so how can we learn better methods for healing and moving forward?

You could be reading this because you’re fresh out of a relationship and feel like garbage. Maybe you’re 6 months out of a relationship and still feel like garbage.

Or, maybe, you simply need some perspective shifts to help you move past something (or someone) that you can’t seem to let go of.

You find yourself romanticizing the past, conveniently forgetting all of the negative parts of the person or relationship you’re idealizing, and generally just spinning in circles rather than carving a path forward in life and then walking (running) down it.

You’re blaming yourself, assuming that if you’d…


You can’t control how people act, but you can control what you accept from them.

Every single day we’re faced with an internal question that we don’t often define to ourselves. Yet, it dictates the quality of almost every area of life.

Our relationships, our careers, our friendships, our family life…

The question is: What behaviors am I willing to accept from the people around me?

Two of the most important things we can decide are how we’re going to treat other people, and how we’re going to let other people treat us.

That being said — I am going to stay away from emotional abuse terminology like gaslighting and similar, because all types of…


These red flags help to answer the question: “Should I stay or should I go?”

One of the biggest causes I see of toxic relationships spiraling over time, is ignoring or not recognizing red flags early on.

Naturally, if we’re excited about seeing someone new, we can give them a little slack with weird behaviors or completely miss them altogether because we’re so caught up in our feelings.

But — oftentimes the small things you ignored in the beginning of a relationship end up being the things that cause its demise in the end.

Here are five (big) warning signs that you should never ignore:

1: They make arguments personal.

Everyone (everyone) has disagreements or arguments from time to time…

James Michael Sama

International speaker, writer, & coach helping you build happier relationships. Seen: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. JamesMSama.com: 38 million+ views.

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