Image for post
Image for post

Save yourself time and heartbreak by paying attention to these red flags.

Many inquiries I get from women involve their confusion about whether or not the man they are seeing is serious about them. My belief is that if you are really that confused about someone’s intentions, then odds are your instincts are correct and they are probably not that serious.

But most of us have likely been in a situation where our emotions have muddled our perspective, and it’s a little more difficult to see the reality of the circumstances rather than what we want them to be.

In other words, being inside of a relationship can often blur your vision…

Image for post
Image for post

Do successful men really want to “marry down”? Studies show that the answer is no.

Are you worried that you’re overqualified for dating?

Many successful women may shy away from, or completely avoid discussing their career on a date because they don’t want to scare away a man who may be intimidated.

I hear this time and time again from women that I coach. They feel as though they need to water down or dilute their personalities or ambition in order to attract a mate.

Let’s call this the “dating down fallacy.” The false narrative that men prefer dating (and marrying) women who are less successful or intelligent than them.

While it’s undeniable that a…

Image for post
Image for post

There isn’t a predictable formula for online dating (or dating of ANY kind), but there are common mistakes that may be holding you back from attracting the right type(s) of men.

Just a few short years ago it was almost a strange stigma to have met someone online. We didn’t want to admit we used any of the wide variety of dating sites or apps, but now it seems that virtually everyone is on them.

There is still some resistance by many who refuse, and many who DO use them face challenges with weeding out potential suitors who just turn out to be a pen pal, or ghosting them altogether.

Here are five mistakes you’re probably making with your online dating profile:

1: You’re relying too heavily on your photos.

We get it, you’re beautiful. But, a man who…

Image for post
Image for post

It’s not the “nice guy” who finishes last. It’s the pushover.

Back at the dawn of time, men began using the excuse that “nice guys finish last” to convince themselves that they weren’t responsible for their own dating failures.

I know this, because I was one of them.

I did everything I thought women (girls, at the time) would’ve wanted. I was respectable, and “nice,” and waited patiently…just long enough for other guys to ask them out and miss my chance.

As I got older and learned the principles of attraction and social dynamics, all of my mistakes were glaring.

Image for post
Image for post

Some say the world is stripping men of their authority or power. But maybe we’ve stopped doing what it takes to earn it.

I often think about what it means to “be a man.” Not just the biological randomness that we’re born as a male human, but what it really means to be a man worthy of the title.

A good man. A man worthy of respect. A man of dignity and honor.

This is not a default setting. We must step up and earn these accolades, and then we must maintain them.

I understand that many men feel lost and cast aside in modern society. …

Image for post
Image for post

It’s not as complicated as it seems.

They say there are 8 wonders of the world, but we all know that the 9th one is the question: What the hell do women actually want?

This article isn’t necessarily here to answer that question, but to help explore if it’s even the right one to ask in the first place.

And hey, we might just answer the question along the way by accident.

Here’s the thing: We are constantly told from a young age that women are complicated and difficult to understand. While this may be true…so are men.

As humans, we have neurological and biological idiosyncrasies that…

Image for post
Image for post

You are not obligated to fit into the mold. Here’s how to smash it to pieces.

As men, we constantly fight the stigma that we lack empathy, compassion, and the ability to communicate about anything besides sports or beer.

Every day, you have the opportunity to show up in the world in a way that smashes the norm to pieces.

Here are 5 ways to do it:

Be willing to be vulnerable.

Past generations of men associated strength with being stoic and unemotional. We witness this in old TV shows and movies where husbands were reading their newspapers with cigarette-in-mouth and drinking the post-work beer while their wife felt undervalued and unappreciated.

Research shows that men who show sadness at work…

Image for post
Image for post

We shouldn’t throw something away without first trying everything to fix it.

First, some good news.

The divorce rate in the United States recently hit a 50 year low.

Yet, if we look around, it seems like so many are struggling to keep the love and romance alive for the long term. You may even be feeling the tension yourself, particularly in a new world when partners are spending more time together than ever due to the pandemic and so many things being closed.

If you’re feeling the strain on your relationship, here are some things you can do before throwing in the towel:

*Disclaimer: If there is ANY sign of physical…

Image for post
Image for post
Liliana (1), Rosabella (5)

“I never thought I’d be on the phone with you and hear a baby in the background.”

It’s 6:00 AM.

In a previous life this would mean I’d have another hour or so before rolling out of bed, grabbing something highly caffeinated, and sitting down to write, or scroll, or just chill for a bit.

Today, the house is full of music, or singing, or jumping, or laughing, or yelling, or some combination of the above.

Rachel has already gotten up to grab the kids, so by the time I get out of bed their day is in full swing.

Besides teaching Martial Arts to kids when I was in middle school, I have virtually no experience being around them…

Image for post
Image for post

In a culture of ghosting, love bombing, and swiping…can we still recognize healthy love when we see it?

The points in this article are written to give you a clearer vision of what healthy love looks (and feels) like, so you can recognize it when it comes along.

1: Healthy love lets you feel free.

Never mistake possessiveness for love. Yes, the person we’re with should be proud to be with us and enjoy spending time with us, but healthy love allows you to continue being yourself, seeing your friends, and pursuing your passions.

Healthy love does not restrict you, discourage you, or hold you back. Those are signs of possessive toxicity that will likely only get worse over time.

Note: This is obviously not…

James Michael Sama

International speaker, writer, & adviser helping you build happier relationships. Seen: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. 38 million+ views.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store