Member-only story
A More Compassionate Masculinity
The evolution of men.
I am an American male, which means that growing up, much of what I was shown in the mainstream about masculinity was the lie that we must choose either our emotions or our strength. That the two cannot coexist.
We are supposed to be “strong” and “proud.” Oftentimes that is projected to us in TV shows and advertisements as being cold, or distant, or stoic. Showing emotions or expressing our feelings was (and still is) falsely considered a weakness.
To be strong, we must chug beer and watch football and make jokes around the locker room we wouldn’t want our wives or girlfriends or daughters hearing. But hey, we get to stay in the boys’ club this way. And for some reason the thought of losing our membership is more painful than the silent betrayal we show to the women we love when we engage in this behavior.
We even perpetuate the idea that picking on girls in elementary school is a sign that a boy likes them. Naturally, then, we grow into men who show affection to women through similar forms of expression.
Subsequently, our girls grow up to believe that teasing or insults from men are positive signs of love and caring.
He must be interested if he picks on me.
