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Are You A “Good Man” Or A “Nice Guy”? 10 Major Differences

Nice guys finish last. Good men finish first.

James Michael Sama
11 min readJun 30, 2023

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We’ve all heard the adage that “nice guys finish last,” and to be honest, it’s usually true. But the big question is: Why?

I used to ask myself this a lot, because I was one of them.

I did everything I thought women (girls, at the time) would’ve wanted. I was respectable, and “nice,” and waited patiently for my “chance” to come along…just long enough for other guys to ask them out and miss that very chance…chances at dating, at opportunities, at career moves, at reaching life goals, in social situations…

Being a “nice guy” doesn’t just impact your dating success, it influences every other area of your life as well.

As I got older and learned the principles of attraction and social dynamics, all of my mistakes were glaring. If only I’d had the guidance to break free from the negative cycles back then.

When I learned how to be a good man rather than a nice guy, everything changed.

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Here are 10 key differences between the two:

1: Good men are direct in communication. Nice guys never take a position.

Nice guys tend to walk on eggshells when they communicate because of a lack of self worth and confidence in who they are, and therefore what they’re saying.

They’re always concerned about losing someone’s attention, or pissing them off, or saying something that’ll get them rejected.

As a result, they either don’t say anything at all, or timidly say it with filler words or in a way that sounds like they’re asking for permission.

Instead of saying: “I was just wondering if you wanted to go out…”

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James Michael Sama

I help you evolve into the ultimate version of yourself. Life & Executive Coach. Multi #1 writer. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hi! @JamesMSama