Forget Looks and Money, She Loves You for Who You’ve Worked to Become

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Sometimes as men, it’s difficult for us to step outside of our own perceptions or perspectives in order to understand what women truly value, want, and need from a life partner.

TV shows and movies show us guys with money, power, and chiseled jawlines getting the attention while the ‘normal’ everyday Joe sits at home and longs for the day when a woman will say yes to a date.

Don’t get me wrong, it is important to strive for success (whatever that means for you) and maintain your physical and emotional health. These things are not only attractive, they are necessary for one’s self to feel fulfilled and happy in life.

But, they do not guarantee you’re actually a good person or a good romantic partner.

The truth is that men and women build attraction differently. While physical attraction is important, it’s higher on the list of priorities for men.

Why is this such good news? Because you can control your personality more than you can control how genetics arranged your face.

Are you compassionate and kind?

Emotional support is a necessity in a relationship, and a woman you’re dating will be paying close attention to how you treat those around you. What are your friendships like? Do other women enjoy spending time around you? How do you engage with the barista, server, janitor, CEO?

A woman who’s considering a serious relationship with you is going to weigh the type of husband, father, and teammate you could potentially be in life. Compassion and kindness play key roles here.

Are you dedicated to improving yourself?

Life is a journey, and stagnation is one of progress’ biggest enemies. Whether it be doing the ‘inner work’ of personal development, valuing self education through reading, having a solid fitness routine, or even investing in a personal coach, consistent self improvement is an attractive habit for any man to have.

Are you driven and ambitious?

I’ve always tried to make the point that women being attracted to successful men is not [always] about the money they have, but the personal qualities that have made them the money. Sure, some women will be looking for a free ride, but those simply aren’t your people.

The truth is that women are kicking ass professionally in modern society and have highly held goals and ambitions for themselves. A woman who’s on this path understands the dedication and life choices it requires, which means she needs to be with someone who shares similar values.

Simply put: If the vision you each have for your lives do not align, neither will your relationship.

Are you respectful?

A man who cannot respect a woman deeply and fully, will never be able to love and value her.

Are you consistent?

Love isn’t something that we ‘fall’ into, it is something that we choose to build with another person over time. This requires steady, stable, and consistent effort put forth by both parties.

If she notices that you run hot and cold at extreme levels, she will not be able to trust you to be reliable over time.

Are you willing to take responsibility?

In any area of life, the willingness to be wrong is the foundation of improvement. If we cannot admit to being at fault, we will never be able to improve or grow in that area of life.

Anyone who avoids personal responsibility will only have one other option: Blame whoever else is involved.

This is a recipe for disaster in a relationship of any kind.

Are you willing to communicate?

Many issues in relationships arise because of lack of communication. Perhaps a frustration or annoyance that escalates due to not being addressed.

Perhaps needs or desires that are not met, because they haven’t even been mentioned.

Perhaps triggers from your past that someone doesn’t know to avoid because they haven’t been told.

The willingness to openly and honestly communicate in the beginning of a relationship will help to build a foundation between two people who grow into an understanding of each other over time.

This allows us to better love and care for our partner because we know what they want and need.

It also allows us to express our own wants and needs and make sure the door swings both ways.

Neither partner in a relationship should ever feel overlooked or taken for granted, but sometimes, these things can accidentally happen if we do not communicate our needs to our partner.

Sure, your looks and your charm may get a woman’s attention — but it’s going to be your heart and soul that keep her with you (or not).

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Written by

International speaker, writer, & adviser helping you build happier relationships. Seen: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. JamesMSama.com: 38 million+ views.

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