Frustrated By Dating? Make These 7 Changes

It’s time to break negative patterns.

James Michael Sama
10 min readFeb 1


It’s okay to admit that you’re frustrated by dating — almost everyone who’s actively looking for love feels the same way.

I could spend all day trying to comfort you with platitudes like “the right person will come along,” and “just be yourself!” But that wouldn’t make me a very good coach on the topic.

The truth is that the only real solution to solving problems is taking real action.

So, below are seven effective methods that I believe can make positive changes in your life today, if you choose to implement them.

1: Adjust your mindset.

First thing’s first.

As simple as it sounds, one of the biggest things holding people back from finding love is the belief that it actually exists.

They have been unappreciated or dumped or cheated on, and they find it hard to imagine anyone could actually be real or genuine.

The result is obvious — a jaded and negative outlook towards dating. We lose our trust and hope in people and our actions (or lack thereof) begin to show it.

You start putting in less effort, or give up altogether. You look for red flags so you can make excuses why things didn’t work out, eventually. The cycle never seems to end.

That’s why — as difficult as it is — approaching dating with a “positive mindset” (excuse the overused trope) is paramount.

How do we do it?

Separate the past from the future.

Recognize that you’re blaming the actions of the past person, on the next person.

You’re making assumptions about what person B is going to do, based on what person A did.

In doing so, you’re eliminating your chances of actually getting to know this person and discovering whether or not there’s a real connection. Every first date has to be approached with a clean slate — a hopeful one, even.

Dating has become a chore, but it should be fun. You get to dress up, go out, have a (hopefully) enjoyable time, and meet someone who just might be part of your future.



James Michael Sama

Helping high achievers build deeper fulfillment & love. Multi #1 writer. Coach & Speaker. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hello! @JamesMSama