Here’s How Emotionally Unavailable People Act In Relationships

Only date someone who’s ready to receive you.

James Michael Sama
11 min readNov 14, 2023

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Being “emotionally available” should be #1 on the list of every single person’s desires in a romantic partner, no matter who you are or what you’re looking for.

If this sounds like a big statement — that’s the entire point. Emotional availability is what opens someone up (or not) to love, affection, and mutual effort in the first place.

Without it, nothing you say, do, or are will ever be “enough,” because being “enough” isn’t the point — being ready for love, is.

How, then, can you tell that someone is not ready to receive you, no matter how badly you want them to be?

1: It feels like they’re LOOKING for problems.

Have you ever seen the meme of the kid riding down the street on his bicycle?

It’s framed like a comic book — in the first frame, he’s riding down the street, holding a stick.

In the next frame, he starts to put the stick in the spokes of his own wheel.

In the final frame, he’s laying on the ground, holding his leg, passing the blame onto something or someone else.

When someone is emotionally unavailable, you’ll find that they almost seem to create problems that didn’t actually exist before. Maybe they’re highly nitpicky, or overly critical, or zooming in on small issues in order to make them big ones.

It’s important to note that this isn’t necessarily because they’re being malicious or mean — but simply because they’re not ready to receive healthy love, so they’re subconsciously looking for “ways out,” or ways to justify that it “just didn’t work” when things fall apart.

2: They don’t (or can’t…or aren’t willing to) trust you.

We all know that trust is a foundational piece of any relationship — without it, there is no room for love, respect, or affection to grow. There’ll always be a wall in place that blocks some of, if not all of, the future from opening up in front of us.

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James Michael Sama

I help you evolve into the ultimate version of yourself. Life & Executive Coach. Multi #1 writer. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hi! @JamesMSama