How To Elevate Yourself As A Man

The keys to success in life and love.

James Michael Sama
11 min readFeb 27, 2024


Back at the dawn of time, men began using the excuse that “nice guys finish last” to convince themselves that they weren’t responsible for their own dating failures.

I know this, because I was one of them.

I did everything I thought women (girls, at the time) would’ve wanted. I was respectable, and “nice,” and waited patiently…just long enough for other guys to ask them out and miss my chance.

As I got older and learned the principles of attraction and social dynamics, all of my mistakes were glaring. If only I’d had the guidance to break free from the negative cycles back then.

This article is designed to serve as that guidance so you don’t have to make the same mistakes I did.

Here are 10 ways to evolve into the man you’re capable of becoming:

1: Reframe what it means to be “nice.”

Think about all of the people you consider to be a “nice guy.” What qualities do they have that you really admire?

Odds are, when you think of nice guys, you think of people who are passive, good listeners, do everything for people around them, and can get along with anyone because they seem to mesh into any group.

Think about what this really means. It means they are so unclear on their own identity that they simply mold themselves to their surroundings.

Do you really know who this person is? What they stand for? What their values and beliefs are?

Probably not, because they don’t express those things out of fear of being judged or pissing someone off. Social rejection is the ultimate fear of the “nice guy,” which is why he doesn’t do anything to risk it.

Ironically, this is the surest path to that very rejection because he will never be fully accepted by any group. How could he be? Nobody knows what he’s actually all about.

You can be kind without being the nice guy. Understanding this difference is the key to moving forward.

2: Get clear on who you are as a man.



James Michael Sama

I help you evolve into the ultimate version of yourself. Life & Executive Coach. Multi #1 writer. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hi! @JamesMSama