The 12 Point Guide To Making Friends As An Adult

It’s not as difficult as you think.

James Michael Sama
15 min readSep 19, 2023

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You might think this article isn’t for everyone, but I actually believe it is. Introverts, extroverts, ambiverts — we can all unite in the reality that the quality of our lives is largely influenced by the types of people we spend our time with.

There are, of course, going to be those of you who have no interest whatsoever in meeting new people. You’re perfectly happy with going to work, going home, and not making any changes in your social, personal, or dating life.

If that’s you, I’ve got great news! You can exit this article and go enjoy some of the 800+ others on my blog.

For those of you who are looking to become more socially active, understand the nuances and details behind social interaction, draw more of the right people to you, and enhance your life through richer relationships and connections — read on, because you’re in the right place.

Disclaimer: When reading each point, let’s all agree that they’re being given in the context of a social occasion or event in which making friends or meeting new people is an appropriate expectation. This will avoid any misunderstanding about trying to put yourself in an uncomfortable position or being approached when you don’t want to be. Let’s assume that, moving forward, we are in a friend-making mindset, space, and physical zone.

1: Seek to bring value first.

The first question we should all be asking ourselves before entering a social interaction is: “How can I improve the lives of the people I’m about to meet?”

This isn’t a sales tactic, it’s not advice for how to get people to buy what you’re selling. It’s rooted in a genuine intention to take your magic and sprinkle it around the room like fairy dust.

It doesn’t require you to have any specific strength, or set of knowledge, or superpower — it just requires you to be willing to help, to listen to a story, to be genuinely interested in what someone else has to say.

Perhaps, by listening, you’ll hear an opportunity to make an introduction between two people — offer that!

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James Michael Sama

I help you evolve into the ultimate version of yourself. Life & Executive Coach. Multi #1 writer. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hi! @JamesMSama