The 20 Laws Of Dating

(For men)

James Michael Sama
17 min readFeb 16, 2024


There are patterns that one recognizes when spending over a decade building a career discussing relationships — and in modern times, these patterns are not always hopeful.

It’s been more than 10 years since I started my blog, and over that time I’ve had my writing translated into multiple languages, read more than 100 million times. I’ve written a book, coached hundreds of people, and given my opinions to the media and on stages across the United States.

Of the many narratives that repeat themselves, one that seems overly prominent is:

“Men don’t want to put effort into dating anymore.”

I’ve heard it in every culture, from virtually every female client, I’ve even seen it with my own eyes.

[It is worth noting that my male clients are genuinely goodhearted men who are doing everything they can to navigate the world of relationships, and they should receive proper credit. The good men are out there].

One of the reasons I started writing in the first place was to help men like this step up their game when it came to dating and relationships. To set themselves apart. To build stronger relationships with those around them (and themselves). To operate with a higher sense of integrity and dignity.

In short: To learn how to become a gentleman.

The points I’m about to outline in this article are not rocket science. I did not invent them. In fact, they used to be common practice, and common sense.

For some reason, though, that all seems to have faded.

But, it doesn’t have to.

We can maintain the decorum and etiquette of the past, raise our standards and expect more from ourselves, show the women in our lives that we are willing to step up for them and put in the effort.

What, then, are the lost charms of the past that we should work to modernize and keep alive in the present?

Note: Many points in this article are quite literally tasks one can perform before, during, or after a date. Others are conceptual to illustrate an idea or philosophy. All, though, are designed to help you stand out from the rest of the lazy men who don’t think being romantic is



James Michael Sama

I help you evolve into the ultimate version of yourself. Life & Executive Coach. Multi #1 writer. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hi! @JamesMSama