The Building Blocks Of Lasting Love

What is “real love” actually made of?

James Michael Sama
9 min readNov 24, 2023

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“How do you know when it’s true love?” A question that has entered the minds of humans of all ages over the eons of our existence. Is it rooted in infatuation? Compatibility? Emotional connection? A feeling of comfort? A combination of the above?

I believe that, just as much of the human experience, the concept of ‘love’ is a difficult one to explain. That’s why most people just say “When you know…you know.” It’s an attempt to express that love is something you just feel rather than something you’re able to pick apart and describe.

Love, also, is objective. We all experience it in different ways, express it in different ways, and receive it in different ways.

I do think, however, there are some universal pieces of the experience that, when we can recognize them, we can place them under the umbrella of “true love” and be confident that’s what we are feeling for another person.

What are some of these feelings? Let’s discuss…

1: A feeling of “oneness.”

Think about the couples you know who’ve been together the longest. Perhaps a family friend, or in your immediate family. Or, maybe, it’s you and your spouse.

When you think of them, I’d guess that you think of both of them together. This is because they exist as a team in your mind, a single unit, they are one.

When you’re truly in love, you feel this deep sense of connection with your partner that intertwines your lives. Yes — of course we need to maintain our own identities and passions, but also to link our emotions to theirs. To share in their happiness. To lend them our strength in their times of need.

As Robert A. Heinlein eloquently stated:

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.

2: You’ll feel fully accepted.

You are the only person who truly knows all of the “stuff” you come with. And we all have “stuff.”

Some of us have more “stuff” than others, and part of being in a relationship is finding a partner to accepts all of this stuff…

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James Michael Sama

I help you evolve into the ultimate version of yourself. Life & Executive Coach. Multi #1 writer. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hi! @JamesMSama