When you’re open to magic happening anywhere at anytime…it usually does.
It feels so challenging to meet new people these days. Bars and clubs are notoriously bad “pickup spots,” online dating can be frustrating because most messages go unanswered, and everyone appears to be buried in their phones at all times.
And if you’re newly single after a long relationship, where do you even begin?
Adjust your mindset.
As simple as it sounds, one of the biggest things holding people back from finding love is the belief that it actually exists. They have been unappreciated, or dumped, or cheated on, and they find it hard to imagine anyone who is sincere in their actions.
It’s easy to see that this can lead to a cycle of disappointment, because a person who approaches dating from this perspective will never give it their full effort since they just assume they’re going to be hurt in the end, anyway.
It may be simple, but I’m not saying it’s easy. However, understanding that each new person you meet comes with a completely new set of circumstances and has nothing to do with a previous ex, will help you start fresh and see them for who they really are, not who you assume they’re going to be.
That’s right, GOALS. When people ask me if relationships should just develop organically, I always ask them how that’s going so far. In every area of life, we define what we want and set a goal for ourselves. We do this in fitness, in our careers, even in our recreational hobbies. So, why don’t we do it for dating?
How many people are you going to talk to this week? In the coffee shop — in the grocery store — at the art class you’re taking? 3? 5? 10? Set a recurring goal for how many new people you take the initiative on starting conversations with, and watch how opportunities begin to explode for you.
Define what you want — and establish a plan to get it.
Define your wants vs. your needs.
Speaking of what you want, this is an important one. I had a client tell me once that she refuses to date a guy who’s under 6’2″. After we really started talking about it, I took a wild guess that she wasn’t really looking for someone who was a certain height, what she really wanted was the emotional and physical feeling of safety and security that came along with someone who’s got a certain stature.
Want: A big dude.
Need: Emotional safety.
Once we really define why it is that we want what we want, it makes it much easier to actually find it because the sources for it can be different. But, if we hang on too long to what we think the reality is, we will never actually figure out the truth.
And, most of all:
Start doing more of what you truly love.
Here’s the magical secret of it all: When you really dive into living a life that YOU love and are passionate about, a variety of things happen:
- You find yourself more energized at the beginning of each day because you know you’re going to enjoy it.
- You are driven to learn new skills or strategies to become better at whatever it is you’re focusing on.
- You find yourself consistently around people who share similar interests.
- You are more likely to share in conversations, attend events, connect with people online — when the topic is something you love.
It’s easy to see how building a life that YOU enjoy is something that not only makes you more attractive, but automatically puts you “in the room” with people you can connect with, even just as a friendship.
When I first saw Kelly, it was at an event 3 hours south of where she was living. She was asked to participate in the show and she only accepted because she wanted to further pursue her passions in that area.
Had she skipped out or turned down the opportunity, I never would’ve seen her there, we never would’ve talked, and we wouldn’t be where we are today.
But because the both of us decided to leave the house on a cold night and do something we enjoy on a random weeknight, the magic happened.
Next time an opportunity arises, remind yourself that you’re not just saying yes to an invitation. You might just be saying yes to a whole new life.