The Sexiest People Have These 20 Qualities

What if *gasp* it’s NOT about appearance?

James Michael Sama
17 min readNov 16, 2023


What do you think of when you hear the word: “Sexy”? For most, particularly the men (ahem, sorry guys…) it’s directly tied to an outward appearance. A certain visual image we hold in our mind for what we consider to be physically attractive in another person.

While a physical appearance that directly aligns with our personal preferences is sexy, we all know that one’s looks are never enough to hold a relationship together.

In fact, it doesn’t even guarantee they’d be a good partner, or are even interested in (or capable of) a monogamous relationship.

I believe that once we truly internalize this reality, usually by learning it the hard way through experience, the primary question becomes:

“Okay, they’re physically attractive, but what else do they bring to the table?”

It follows, then, that this realization carries a subtext:

Looks are sexy, but other qualities are far more of an emotional turn on, and that’s what’s really important in the long run.

Let’s discuss some of these overlooked, but undoubtedly important traits that have nothing to do with what someone sees with their eyes.

1: Integrity.

How someone treats you as a partner is, obviously, highly important. Just as important, though, is how they live their life outside of the relationship.

“But James, shouldn’t I mostly be concerned with how they treat me?”

Of course the bare minimum requirement for a partner in your life should be respectful, thoughtful, and caring treatment towards you and the relationship itself.

However, I also believe that how someone treats the people they’re not trying to impress, can tell you even more about them.

It’s always possible that a person, especially early on in a relationship, is on their best behavior as they try to win you over.

You’ll observe this as they interact with the world around you…how are they treating all of the other people? What are their friendships like? How are they viewed in their business or career? What have…



James Michael Sama

I help you evolve into the ultimate version of yourself. Life & Executive Coach. Multi #1 writer. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hi! @JamesMSama