The Top 5 Reasons Why He Ghosted You

Have you ever felt like everything was going great, but then, *POOF*? Here’s what might’ve happened.

James Michael Sama
7 min readJun 17, 2021


If you’ve ever dated over the past few years, you know how things go sometimes:

Meet on a dating app or through a friend, start talking and feverishly exchanging texts. Video chat a couple of times. Start getting really excited. Maybe even go out for dinner or a drink.

Trade a few more texts after that. Look forward to the next time you’re getting together.

And then…👻

He vanishes without a trace.

This is frustrating and can be heartbreaking — not to mention rude and inconsiderate.

While there is no excuse for an adult ghosting another adult, there may be some possible reasons why it happened.

Let’s explore:

1: You fell for who you THOUGHT he was.

How long does it take to really get to know someone? I mean really get to know them? We’ve all heard stories of couples who’ve been married for DECADES and suddenly a secret came out about one of them that the other had never known.

It takes time to truly understand a person. Their past, their nuances, their idiosyncrasies. Moreover, there are a wide variety of life experiences that happen over time which teach us who this person really is.

How they handle disappointment, how they navigate challenges in life or at work, how they argue…until we really see all sides of someone in real life scenarios, it’s very difficult to get a full and well rounded view of who they really are.

But when we first start getting to know someone, we seem to forget all of that and start getting excited about the shiny object in front of us. The charm, the wit, the humor, the fancy dinners, the flattering compliments…

All of which is fine, if it is genuinely reflective of the person he really is.

Of course nobody is perfect, but creating a vision of someone in our minds that isn’t representative of their real identity becomes dangerous. We fall for their potential rather than their reality.



James Michael Sama

Helping high achievers build deeper fulfillment & love. Multi #1 writer. Coach & Speaker. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hello! @JamesMSama