These 25 Truths Will Transform The Way You Think About Love

You don’t fall in love, you build it.

James Michael Sama
18 min readMay 24


There’s an old Tony Robbins quote that says “success leaves clues.” The idea is that we can learn from people who’ve already gone where we want to go. Not in the sense of copying them, but in that, we can see what worked (and didn’t work) to shorten the time of figuring it out ourselves.

I’ve always believed the same to be true with love. While every relationship is different, we can look to those who’ve been together for a

If you’re familiar with my writing you’re fully aware that the model of love put forth by my parents has always shaped my view of healthy relationships and romance. 40+ years later, and they continue to live that example every single day.

Rachel and I, while not yet at a year of marriage, have been together for more than three years, and the more time that passes, the more true I find these lessons to become.

Below, I’ll share 25 lessons in love that, if learned now, can help you avoid heartbreak down the road.

Some things can only be learned through experience…or, reading about them.

1: You don’t fall in love, you build it.

One of the biggest misconceptions about love is that it’s something you find along the journey. We imagine it as a warm blanket that we just find somewhere, wrap ourselves in it, and stay warm forever.

The truth is that you find the person you choose to build love with. You and that person must then put on consistent daily effort to create the life and love that you’ve both desired. It’s not a pre-made mold, it’s custom built. Bespoke, if you will.

Love is an action — a verb — a choice, and it will be tested many times over the course of your lives.

This, to some, feels daunting and challenging. If that’s the case, take it as a sign. A sign that either you’re not ready to embark on such a journey with another person, or you’re with the wrong person.

Neither of these is something to be ashamed of, however, they’re also not something to be ignored. Being honest with one’s…



James Michael Sama

Helping high achievers build deeper fulfillment & love. Multi #1 writer. Coach & Speaker. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hello! @JamesMSama