These Harmful Mindsets Are Blocking Love From Your Life

Are false expectations your worst enemy?

James Michael Sama
10 min readDec 4, 2023


One thing that has always fascinated me about us as humans is that, one of the most fundamental pieces of our existence often goes the least understood.

That is — relationships.

In every other area of life, we seek knowledge, develop skills, make a plan, set goals, create a strategy. Yet, in our relationships with each other, we’re told it will just “work out” when we find “the one.”

Not only is this false and illogical, it can actually be harmful.

We can easily create or adopt a belief system about relationships along the road of life that we accept as reality, and then we measure every partner and connection we have against that “reality” we’ve created.

Below, we’ll discuss some mindsets that can get picked up along the way that, quite frankly, you should drop in order to have happier and healthier relationships.

1: “I’m looking for ‘The one.’”

It always surprises people to hear that I, the guy who’s generated millions of views writing about romance, doesn’t believe in “the one.”

Here’s why I think it’s a good thing that “the one” doesn’t exist:

People looking for one single solitary person that they believe has been reserved for them in this life, are on a wild goose chase that can easily be thrown off course.

They’ll meet a person who has a single flaw, or lives just a little too far away, or who doesn’t look the way they expected, or who isn’t exactly “their type,” and they’ll write this person off far sooner than they should because…well…they can’t possibly be the perfect partner that the universe has chosen for them, right?

No, it must be someone else. Someone who everything will just click with…

We all know, though, the truth of love and relationships is that they require conscious choice. We must choose the person we’re with every single day. We must choose to look past (or learn to love) their flaws, as they do ours. We have to put effort into finding them, driving to see them, building and maintaining a connection…



James Michael Sama

I help you evolve into the ultimate version of yourself. Life & Executive Coach. Multi #1 writer. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hi! @JamesMSama