Women Feel Safest With Men Who Understand These 15 Things

Without safety, nothing else matters.

James Michael Sama
15 min readJan 21


Attraction is called just that for a reason, it’s rooted in two people that are drawn to each other in a way that feels magnetic. It’s not always a conscious or deliberate event, as you’ve felt when you’ve said “I don’t know what it is about him/her, but…whew.”

Real attraction isn’t just about actions you take, things you say, or the way you look. Many times, particularly for women, it’s far more nuanced and complex.

What is it that draws a woman to some men more than others?

A question that has puzzled men since…well…the first woman, probably.

I believe that one of the driving factors in attraction is actually safety.

What does it mean to feel safe with someone?

It means that you can trust them with your heart, your emotions, your innermost thoughts and feelings. It means that you can take the mask off and let them behind the curtain of who you truly are. You can bare not just your body, but your soul to this person.

That is how true love, true connection, true intimacy, and true bonds are formed. Without that level of safety, there will always be a hesitance, or a skepticism, or pieces of one’s soul kept hidden.

I believe that the more we as men can understand the wants and needs of the woman we love, the better we can show up for her in ways that make her feel safe and cared for.

Not just physically safe (though that’s just as important), but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually safe.

Most men focus on the wrong things, though — sex, attraction, materialism, appearance — which, while fun, can never make someone feel truly safe in your presence.

That requires far more depth and emotional maturity.

Join me in this conversation as we explore both the big and the small, the obvious and the subtle, the intuitive and unexpected things that truly attractive men (regardless of what they look like), understand that makes them that way.

1: Give the relationship space to breathe.



James Michael Sama

Helping high achievers build deeper fulfillment & love. Multi #1 writer. Coach & Speaker. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hello! @JamesMSama