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You Might Actually Be TOO Nice. Here’s How To Tell
“Nice” and “Kind” are different things.
We’ve all heard the old adage that “nice guys (and gals) finish last.” I’ve been very open about my past as a “nice guy” and all of the challenges that it brought to my life.
To overcome these challenges, I didn’t need to stop being good to people, I simply needed to learn where my personal boundaries were, and begin to enforce them.
I think this is a key realization for anyone who feels like they get taken advantage of because they’re “too nice.”
In fact, I just had this conversation with a private student of mine who asked the same question:
“Maybe I was raised to be too nice.” He pondered, as he reflected on all of the ways he’d prioritized others over his own wellbeing through the decades.
Remember — there is kindness, and there is self-sacrifice. The two are not the same.
If you can relate, let’s explore some major differences between “nice” people and “kind” people. Let me know which side of the aisle you fall on:
1: “Nice” people sacrifice themselves to keep the peace. Kind people find a compromise.
One of the things I always used to do as a “nice guy” is just “yes” everyone. Regardless of what I wanted (or deserved), I’d make sure that everyone (else) had what they wanted.
I believe that the underlying root of this action is fear — fear of being abandoned, fear of someone not liking you, fear of not being accepted.
You figure that, if you can be the one who gives people what they want, they’ll automatically like you.
The truth, though, is that if people see you sacrificing yourself for others all the time, they won’t respect you.
That’s where being kind comes in. You can still be good to people while maintaining your boundaries.
Kind people care for the wellbeing of others, but also for themselves. They know that they cannot pour water out of an empty cup, and becoming a martyr for a cause simply will not serve anyone in the process.
