Your No-B.S. Guide For Attracting Real Love

If things aren’t working — change them.

James Michael Sama
9 min readDec 2, 2023


Dating is frustrating. Relationships are hard. Sometimes, you feel as though the “right person” for you might not even exist. Or, you’re at least convinced that they must live on a different planet — or maybe just outside of your usual stomping grounds.

Here’s the truth that most people don’t like to admit: If you’re not getting what you want out of life (or love), then the first step to getting there is taking a clear and honest look at what’s not working. What’s holding you back? What negative patterns, beliefs, mindsets, or behaviors are preventing you from attracting the right person?

It may not sound like it — but this is good news. It’s good news to discover the choices you’ve been making that aren’t serving you, so you can make the necessary changes and take your life to the next level.

It’s time to take a real look at the ways you can be more efficient with your time and energy — and stop giving it to the wrong people.

1: Be more intentional about your social life.

The suggestion to “go out and meet people” is usually met with one of two responses:

1: The immediate assumption that it means bars or clubs.

2: The response of “I don’t even know where I’d go!”

Neither of these is an intentional or productive use of time.

Can you meet people by going out to bars and clubs? Absolutely!

The challenge, though, is there’s no guarantee you’ll have anything in common with them or even like their company.

It’s a total gamble.

On the other hand: If you start being intentional about where you spend your time based on your passions and interests, you automatically surround yourself with other people who share them.

Take an art class, go to a shooting range, peruse car shows, attend a fundraiser, volunteer in your community…

Being socially aimless or simply saying yes to invitations just to get out of the house can easily waste your time and cause even more frustration because you feel like you’re putting in…



James Michael Sama

I help you evolve into the ultimate version of yourself. Life & Executive Coach. Multi #1 writer. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hi! @JamesMSama