Your Pre-Marriage Discussion Checklist

Important conversations are important.

James Michael Sama
10 min readNov 29, 2023


I popped my family onto a plane this week to come to my sister-in-law’s tropical destination wedding.

Being married myself, and immersed in wedding planning over the next few months, the weight and magnitude of lifelong commitment are on the mind.

Of course, as a coach, writer, and speaker on the topic…that’s really nothing new.

For anyone else making this decision, I’m sure you’ve already got all of the information you need — in which case, you already have your answer, too.

Life, though, evolves and changes over the years, as do we as individuals and as a couple.

While some of these changes are unpredictable and out of our control, part of the commitment marriage requires is staying by this person’s side through it all. (Unless, of course, they betray your trust, act in abusive or harmful ways, or break the agreements of the relationship).

A clear vision for the future is important to stay focused on regardless of what changes arise, because it’ll help us navigate our way forward and move past the speedbumps we will inevitably face together.

I believe that a big part of our ability to do so is by making sure we’re on the same page by talking about the important topics which will dictate the way our lives will unfold.

Fortunately, Rachel and I quite literally built our relationship off of communication from day one. We started talking during the pandemic lockdowns and spoke (quite literally) all day every day for nearly 3 months before we met in person.

During that time we covered every topic imaginable and left no secrets hidden, so when we did meet, there was no question about where things were headed.

Now, nearly 4 years later, we’re married and building our dream life together.

Here are just a few of the things I believe that every couple should openly and honestly discuss BEFORE they make the choice of whether (or not) to get married.

1: Your dream home.

A relationship is a team, and a team is a set of people who work together towards a common goal.



James Michael Sama

I help you evolve into the ultimate version of yourself. Life & Executive Coach. Multi #1 writer. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hi! @JamesMSama