You’re Probably Looking for the Right Woman in the Wrong Places

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Let’s take a quick gander at how some of our social norms have changed over the past few years…

Social networks like Instagram and Snapchat have created a society even more focused on image and immediate gratification.

More individualized entertainment and technology has empowered us all to seclude ourselves into our blanket-cocoon and enjoy whatever Netflix series we are told is trending, so maybe we’re less willing to leave the house.

When we do leave the house, we are looking down at our phones, huddled up taking selfies with our friends, or walking around with headphones on.

It’s no wonder we feel isolated and alone. While we are attempting to be more connected to the world, we are actually becoming less connected to those around us.

Cue: Dating apps.

What better solution to solve this problem than to use the very device being wedged between us, in order to bring us together?

Ah, but — short attention spans, overwhelming “inventory,” low response rates, and safety concerns all make that a less-than-ideal solution.

As we whittle down the options to meet other people, we seem to be left with introductions from friends, and bars or clubs on the weekends…and everyone knows how those late-night fuzzy-vision club meetings turn out in the long run.

Yet, it seems like our only solution. Phones are in pockets or purses, we are feeling a little liquid confidence, probably spending a little too much on those drinks or that bottle, and setting ourselves up for a morning of remorse.

This is supposed to be the time we go out socially and hopefully meet someone?

Ask yourself these questions:

  1. Am I clear on the type of relationship/partner I want to find?
  2. Am I projecting myself in a way that shows them my truest self?
  3. Am I spending time in the places where magic could potentially happen?

If the answer to any of these is ‘no,’ here’s the fix:

Instead of seeing social situations as a way to fill empty time or escape from reality, start seeing social situations as a way to create an entire new reality that you choose for yourself.

Think about your individual interests: What types of things do you like to do, see, or learn about?

Perhaps you’re into art, perhaps you like to shoot guns, maybe you sing, or dance, or like to volunteer at animal shelters.

Imagine if you started to PASS less time, and FILL more time doing the things you love.

Art gallery openings, open mic nights, fundraisers, special events…

Miraculously, then, you’ll automatically find yourself around other people who share your interests and passions.

Now, no more stressing over what to start a conversation about, that’s taken care of for you.

No more stressing over whether or not you share similar interests, you’re guaranteed at least one.

No more limiting the chance for serendipity to 2/7th’s of your life (only the weekends).

Suddenly the entire world opens up to you, but that’s not all…

You find a deeper sense of fulfillment in your life and in yourself because you’re filling your time with things, activities, and people you enjoy.

You become less stressed over actually meeting someone because that becomes a perk of your social time, not the focus of it.

You’re consistently projecting your best self because you shine the brightest when you’re doing the things you love — that is one of the most attractive things about a person.

We can use the tools we’re given in modern society to isolate ourselves, or to find others like us and actually connect with them in person.

There is no substitute for the three-dimensional experience we get when we are in someone’s presence. It doesn’t matter how nice of a camera they use for their profile photo.

Start looking up from your phone more often, you never know who you’ll see looking back at you.

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Written by

International speaker, writer, & adviser helping you build happier relationships. Seen: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. JamesMSama.com: 38 million+ views.

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