The Man’s Guide To Understanding A Woman’s Needs

(Not as complicated as you think).

James Michael Sama
13 min readNov 9, 2023


Since the beginning of time, men have been asking the wrong question. That question is: “What do women want?”

There’s a reason why the answer is so evasive — because wants and needs are not always the same thing.

This is why you may get confused when looking at some of the couples you see…

Men will ask: “How did he end up with her?!”

He may not have been what she (thought she) wanted, but he understood how to meet her needs, just as she did for him — since relationships obviously go both ways.

So, let’s explore the needs that women have in relationships to help you get a greater understanding of what you might’ve missed in the past, and how you can show up better next time.

(Before you jump to the comments and ask where the article is about men’s needs, I already wrote that).

1: The need for safety.

Men think women want the “bad boy” because they’re adventurous, dangerous, and exciting.

While this is true for some phases of their lives, I fully believe that while she’ll date the “bad boy,” she will marry the gentleman.

Why? Because she knows adventure and excitement doesn’t necessarily make someone a good life partner.

It doesn’t mean she can fully trust him.

It doesn’t mean they have shared values and beliefs.

It doesn’t mean they’re compatible.

It doesn’t mean she can feel safe with him.

Not just physically safe — but emotionally and mentally safe. The type of safe that makes you feel comfortable opening up to someone, sharing your innermost thoughts and desires, being fully yourself, free of judgment.

This is the level of safety that, even if we don’t realize it for awhile, all of us need in a relationship. Without it, there will always be hesitations or walls that remain between us, preventing a full connection from forming.

2: The need to feel desired.



James Michael Sama

I help you evolve into the ultimate version of yourself. Life & Executive Coach. Multi #1 writer. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hi! @JamesMSama