Rachel Sama and James Michael Sama

Understanding Women: 12 Needs She Has In A Relationship

Some truths are universal.

James Michael Sama
13 min readJun 1


There is perhaps no greater mystery to the heterosexual male human than: “What do women want?”

I believe that part of the reason the answer has remained so elusive for generations is because, well, it’s the wrong question.

We all have things that we “want,” but beneath them, at the core, is the deeper reason why we want it. The “need” we are looking to fill by getting what we want.

The better question, then, is how can we work to meet the needs of the woman we love?

Any time I write a piece like this, I’m met with “James, it goes both ways!” comments.

Yeah, we know that. We all know that happy and healthy relationships must go both ways. We all understand it’s a mutual effort. Just because an article discusses a woman’s needs doesn’t mean the man’s needs are invalid. I’ve got plenty of articles on that topic, too. Here’s a good one.

Anyway, enough feeding the trolls, let’s dive into the reason why you clicked on this article in the first place.

1: She needs to feel respected.

Duh, right?

Before you dismiss this point as so obvious that it goes unsaid, let’s consider just how a woman’s relationship with respect evolves over the course of their life…

Since the beginning of time, women have had to fight twice as hard for equal respect as men have. Hell, when my late grandmother was born, women couldn’t even vote in U.S. elections.

Obviously, society has evolved lightyears ahead of that, thankfully. However, women are still viewed and approached differently in a myriad of environments from the boardroom, to the gym, to the classroom.

The last thing she wants, is to have to fight for respect in her relationship, too. To feel as though it’s anything less than a default setting. To have her wants, needs, or desires overlooked for the sake of someone else’s all the time (ahem, yours).

Don’t get me wrong, women are out in the world kicking ass every day and aren’t begging for your sympathy. To their credit, they’ve elevated their station in…



James Michael Sama

Helping high achievers build deeper fulfillment & love. Multi #1 writer. Coach & Speaker. Trusted by: CNN, CNBC, NY Post, CBS, more. Say hello! @JamesMSama